on the mat is a state of mind
my third yoga class in a ROW! and I totally bit the bullet tonight and paid for a year (monthly auto debit, but I get to go as much as I want!) I am ridiculously excited about this.
I went into this class, a ‘yin practice,’ unsure of what to expect. Turns out that we hold poses longer to focus more on relaxing deeper tissues in the body. It’s definitely more difficult to keep my focus, but I did my best to not get annoyed. Some of them really hurt! and we were on the mat the whole time.
At one point during the class (did I mention that our instructor read How to Eat Fried Worms?) – I began to wonder what, exactly, I was going to get out of this. I wasn’t going to get my groove on like I had the night before, maybe some good stretching? Was there going to be no buzz????
I’m not sure when this was, but I started thinking about all that I had learned. About myself, while I was in grad school, about all the teachers over the years who had taken an interest in me and in my education. What had they hoped for me? What had I hoped for for myself everytime I had begun a new endeavor. And it struck me: I owe them. I owe my teachers my success out of respect and gratitude. They have spent so much time and effort to get me to where I am now, that I owe it to them to make it happen. Not just to make it happen, but to flourish.
I left class grounded and focused. I need to live eat and breathe acupuncture the same way I have been with yoga. This is my life. The teaching, the giving, the learning, the taking. It’s all balance. I am not one thing, I am everything that anyone has ever taught me.
As I drove to the office to pick up some books, I realized that I’d gotten something out of it, out of class. Not the buzz that my newly found yoga junkie self was craving, but something more significant maybe. Something more for everyone that I touch and for everyone who has touched my life and not just for me. I was worried that I would fall into a selfish place with my practice and lose sight of everything else I need to be doing, but something this wonderful and expansive won’t even let me be selfish. Tonight the yogalove said to me: ‘no buzz for you young padwan, only lessons!’