the yoga love

on the mat is a state of mind

Whoa.

I’m still recuperating from my class yesterday afternoon. I really liked my instructor – someone I hadn’t had before – she was great at giving instructions and talking us through poses so I could just work and not have to figure out what we were doing. I wasn’t feeling too hot – a little nauseous actually – and about an hour into class I was way deep into a forward fold, kind of tripping out on something and amazed by how far into the pose I was. I stood up and looked around and I had no idea where I was. I had no clue what everyone was doing (a completely different pose – btw) – and I started to kind of freak out. I couldn’t hear anything and I felt incredibly dizzy – like I was either going to throw up or black out. I went to the bathroom for lack of a better option, and tried to decide whether or not I was going to freak. After rinsing my face and staring in the mirror for a few minutes – I returned to class to suffer through the last twenty minutes or so, probably in pigeon. If I’m having a bad day, we’ll do pigeon pose forever. It’s a guarantee.  i  may have been really dehydrated – I may have let go of some serious emotional stuff stored in my lower back from an injury when I was in college. Either way, I faced something in that studio, and it scared the shit out of me.

Sometimes I wonder if we subconsciously resist change, if we resist moving forward in ways that are good for us, if there’s a part of ourselves that wants things to stay the same. I wonder if we create our own hurdles. I took some time away from yoga last week to work and I’ve felt off kilter since I changed my routine. Last friday, my head was a mess, sunday I almost pass out, tonight I was solid except for my feet – my balances were all over the place. It’s as though I have to pick up the pieces and start all over. I’m happy to do that especially if I start to feel like I’m moving forward again, but I wonder if I am somehow holding myself back. If I could just let it all go, would I succeed in ways I never thought possible?

Pushing on.

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This entry was posted on 11/16/2009 by in yogalove.

more downward dog, less downward spiral

Smile, be happy!

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it." — Elizabeth Gilbert

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